no, I'm not going to put the Beatles' song on my blog. I *could*, but that's not the point of my post.
I'm just going to give you the most recent updates in my life. This morning I was freaked out once more, as the bus was 30 minutes late (again!!! I actually said something to the driver, I don't think I was rude, but he just said something lame like "it's impossible to be on time". I'm just happy for him that he doesn't live in Japan. The buses and trains are ALWAYS on time in Japan.)
But my driving lesson went great. I validated my step 2 AND worked on parking some more (that's going to need a lot more work, I find it rather difficult, thankfully that's one of the rare things I can actually practice at home without risking problems with the police.)
It's official: I'll do my driving exam in August!! I don't know exactly what date yet, the school won't even know until the end of July (they don't really get to decide of that, I think it's the city or something).
Apart from that, I'm moving all my things home for the summer tomorrow, so I have some packing to do, and then I'll go swimming. I would go now, but the pool is probably so full that it'd be no fun anyway.
I can also play the guitar while I'm waiting... Waiting and wishing I could be swimming right away :p
Friday, June 30, 2006
Better together...
For the lyrics and chords, click on the title/link... I've been listening to that song 24/7 recently lol ( but not really playing it yet. I know I said so, but it's not true; I havn't had time. I mostly linked it so I wouldn't forget it so I could print it (didn't have a printer on hand at the time)...
The Terminal
I just watched that movie last night, for the first time, and I enjoyed it very much. Honestly, I was expecting a rather boring movie: waiting in an airport, how exciting can that be?
Actually the characters are endearing, you're interested from the start by the relationships he develops.
In a world where everyone is perpetually moving, and in a hurry, or temporarily waiting, he's just there, waiting, delayed for a very long time (months? years? I'm not quite sure). We don't know why he wants to go to New York, not until the end, anyway. When he finally gets to the end of his quest, fulfilling it, there's a feeling of satisfaction, accompanied by a tinge of sadness and bewilderment: what now?
And the people he's met along the way, and helped...
His relationship with Catherine Zeta-Jones in the movie is interesting, although sad. She's even more lost than he is, always waiting and wishing for a man who will never truely be hers.
His friendship with the waitor in love with a woman he sees every day to ask for the green stamp, with the mopping man ("wet floor"!) with the men he helps restore the airport, but also the "oh-too-true" scene where, in his first night there, he practically needs to destroy the seats to be able to sleep at all (I experienced somthing similar a couple years ago when one of our flights was delayed, or perhaps we just had a longer wait then usual, I can't remember... all I know is that I couldn't sleep!).
And the way he helped the man save his goat (father)...
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Listening to Bryan Adams...
My sister is really into his music right now, I guess it's wearing off on me :D
It's nice, here are a couple of my favorite songs by him:
It's nice, here are a couple of my favorite songs by him:
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
it's selling magazines, for crying out loud!!
Seriously. Who CARES if you're good at interrupting people in a debate? Who CARES if you're good at talking to a group. What you need is to be able to go up to people, and talk to them one-on-one, listen to their needs, counsel them, and not get discouraged if they tell you to get lost, but keep on doing it!!!
I'm good at that. I'm a christian for crying out loud. I spend my summers inviting people to gospel concerts and telling them about Jesus. Of course some people reject me. Of course I have to walk up to them. And keep on going.
Who are they to judge me for a performance at talking to a group? I'm not going to sell any magazines by standing on a box in front of a crowd and talking to them!!! I'd be AWFUL at that.
I'm good at that. I'm a christian for crying out loud. I spend my summers inviting people to gospel concerts and telling them about Jesus. Of course some people reject me. Of course I have to walk up to them. And keep on going.
Who are they to judge me for a performance at talking to a group? I'm not going to sell any magazines by standing on a box in front of a crowd and talking to them!!! I'd be AWFUL at that.
warning: extremely cynical post
My feet hurt. The map the OFUP provided to get to the location of the interview was extremely simple, and I was pretty happy about that. It was right next to the La Potrie metro station, according to the map. I got called this morning to confirm the interview, and I asked for confirmation that it was really at that stop. All seems good, and my high-heel shoes seem quite adapted to the situation.
Well, I was WRONG. The "metro" displayed on the map is actually the name of a store, located 15 minutes ON FOOT from the station. I finally found it, but now my feet are still killing me. They should have told me to take bus 17 from the centre of town, it's direct and so much easier.
Then the interview itself... Lasted 4 hours. There were 12 people who came, and only 3 were taken. For about an hour, he talked about the job itself (as if we didn't do the research ourselves before application!!). Then there was a break, and we did some "games".
The first game was we had to pretend we won the lottery with 2 friends, and we aren't allowed to split the chèque. So we need to propose a project that everyone needs to agree on and be the most convincing possible.
My project was actually the one that got the majority of votes. I wanted to open a japanese inn in France, because I'm sure people would enjoy that, as more and more people love Japan and japanese culture, but don't necessarily have the money to go all the way to Japan.
The second "game" was actually a debate for or against legal prostitution houses. And we couldn't choose which side of the debate to be on. Guess which side I had to debate for? Ironic, isn't it? I think that's one of the subjects on which I'm the most passionnate.
But I did find a good argument. If prostitution is going to be legal, might as well ensure the safety of the women, because if they're doing it off the street, it might be days before somebody finds their body chopped to pieces in a garbage can.
All the girls (10 out of 12 candidates) were sure I'd be taken because I did good on both, but apparantly they said I didn't talk enough. At least not SOON enough in the debate. But a debate is a debate, and they started it talking on a completely different angle. I couldn't just jump in and say something that had NOTHING to do with the previous argument!!
Ugh I'm soooooooooo annoyed.
And now I have backaches because I had to walk 30 minutes on heels with a heavy backpack containing a computer along with other objects.
And it lasted 4 hours. I wasted my afternoon. And I missed my train. By a few minutes (like 5 minutes). So now I have to wait for 8:00 to take the train.
This was NOT my day.
Well, I was WRONG. The "metro" displayed on the map is actually the name of a store, located 15 minutes ON FOOT from the station. I finally found it, but now my feet are still killing me. They should have told me to take bus 17 from the centre of town, it's direct and so much easier.
Then the interview itself... Lasted 4 hours. There were 12 people who came, and only 3 were taken. For about an hour, he talked about the job itself (as if we didn't do the research ourselves before application!!). Then there was a break, and we did some "games".
The first game was we had to pretend we won the lottery with 2 friends, and we aren't allowed to split the chèque. So we need to propose a project that everyone needs to agree on and be the most convincing possible.
My project was actually the one that got the majority of votes. I wanted to open a japanese inn in France, because I'm sure people would enjoy that, as more and more people love Japan and japanese culture, but don't necessarily have the money to go all the way to Japan.
The second "game" was actually a debate for or against legal prostitution houses. And we couldn't choose which side of the debate to be on. Guess which side I had to debate for? Ironic, isn't it? I think that's one of the subjects on which I'm the most passionnate.
But I did find a good argument. If prostitution is going to be legal, might as well ensure the safety of the women, because if they're doing it off the street, it might be days before somebody finds their body chopped to pieces in a garbage can.
All the girls (10 out of 12 candidates) were sure I'd be taken because I did good on both, but apparantly they said I didn't talk enough. At least not SOON enough in the debate. But a debate is a debate, and they started it talking on a completely different angle. I couldn't just jump in and say something that had NOTHING to do with the previous argument!!
Ugh I'm soooooooooo annoyed.
And now I have backaches because I had to walk 30 minutes on heels with a heavy backpack containing a computer along with other objects.
And it lasted 4 hours. I wasted my afternoon. And I missed my train. By a few minutes (like 5 minutes). So now I have to wait for 8:00 to take the train.
This was NOT my day.
Subway sells breath-mints now!!
Just on time for the day I actually need them :D
Perfect for my job interview, and they're in a cute little can, and are VERY refreshing. There are quite a few, too, and it's affordable. I'm very happy :)
I'll eat my sandwich now.
I ate at Subway at least 3 times a week all year, it's my favorite place to hang out, they offer free wi-fi (it's the only hotspot in my city, apart from my college, but they restrict access to adium so I like going to Subway better).
It's pretty expensive, but they have a good offer: the sandwich of the day. Only 2,5 euros, which is respectable especially since it's very filling and it's less expensive than buying a sandwich AND going to an internet-café. There's a different sandwich every day, and since I eat here very often, it doesn't bother me. The only one I don't care for is Friday's, tuna fish. Not very good. So on Friday I pay up if I eat at Subway :p
Perfect for my job interview, and they're in a cute little can, and are VERY refreshing. There are quite a few, too, and it's affordable. I'm very happy :)
I'll eat my sandwich now.
I ate at Subway at least 3 times a week all year, it's my favorite place to hang out, they offer free wi-fi (it's the only hotspot in my city, apart from my college, but they restrict access to adium so I like going to Subway better).
It's pretty expensive, but they have a good offer: the sandwich of the day. Only 2,5 euros, which is respectable especially since it's very filling and it's less expensive than buying a sandwich AND going to an internet-café. There's a different sandwich every day, and since I eat here very often, it doesn't bother me. The only one I don't care for is Friday's, tuna fish. Not very good. So on Friday I pay up if I eat at Subway :p
I hate driving in the center of town!!
Especially during the braderie...
I had the hardest time even getting to the driving school, my teacher had to come pick me up. The busses couldn't circulate, thankfully I need to take the metro to go to the job interview, and not the bus!!
Which meant that I was so stressed out that I drove terribly. My teacher quickly realized that and so we went to a parking lot and practiced parking for an hour, I think I'm getting it down :D
It's impossible to drive during the braderie, so on Friday I'll validate step 2.
I had the hardest time even getting to the driving school, my teacher had to come pick me up. The busses couldn't circulate, thankfully I need to take the metro to go to the job interview, and not the bus!!
Which meant that I was so stressed out that I drove terribly. My teacher quickly realized that and so we went to a parking lot and practiced parking for an hour, I think I'm getting it down :D
It's impossible to drive during the braderie, so on Friday I'll validate step 2.
Bye Bill Gates...
A friend e-mailed this to me, the credits are on the picture, so I figured I'd post it haha.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
First job interview
I have a job interview (my first "real" one, at that! Before I only had to talk to parents and meet their kids to give a couple classes- which isn't quite the same thing- not saying it's necessarily easy, just different!).
If I get the job, I'll be selling subscriptions to magazines in high-schools and colleges next year :)
I got the confirmation SMS, telling me my particular RDV is at 14h, (I didn't know the exact time until now, it could have been anytime in the afternoon).
I think I've figured out what to wear. I need something confortable to drive in (as I have a driving lesson before the interview), something somewhat classy but also laid-back enough to suit the sort of job I'm applying for. So I think my black and white dress with a nice sweater should do the trick, along with a nice hairdo and some light makeup. I have the perfect shoes for the dress, too (which means I'll have to bring tennis shoes in my backpack for driving).
Tomorrow I'll probably validate step 2 of my driving. I didn't make it today (I guess I was too stressed out by driving in the center of town for the first time.) But now I know what mistakes I made and I'm bound to do much better tomorrow.
I'm hesitating to sign up for swimming lessons next year. I took a year of lessons in high-school, and I made a lot of progress, and now I'm a fairly good swimmer although competition is DEFINATELY out of my league, and probably will always be. But lessons are more expensive than just a monthly pass, and only 1h per week. Also, it's kind of hard to sign up NOW, the deadline is Friday. If I do it, what will I do if I have classes in college at that time next year? Sometimes classes run very late. If I get a monthly pass, it'll be MUCH more flexible, and it's not like too many people go swimming in winter, so I shouldn't get as many bruises as I did today. Also, I could swim maybe 4 hours a week instead of just one. And enjoy 30 minutes in the jacuzzi per week as well :)
Anyway, I'll tell you if I get the job :) And also if I validate step 2 :)
If I get the job, I'll be selling subscriptions to magazines in high-schools and colleges next year :)
I got the confirmation SMS, telling me my particular RDV is at 14h, (I didn't know the exact time until now, it could have been anytime in the afternoon).
I think I've figured out what to wear. I need something confortable to drive in (as I have a driving lesson before the interview), something somewhat classy but also laid-back enough to suit the sort of job I'm applying for. So I think my black and white dress with a nice sweater should do the trick, along with a nice hairdo and some light makeup. I have the perfect shoes for the dress, too (which means I'll have to bring tennis shoes in my backpack for driving).
Tomorrow I'll probably validate step 2 of my driving. I didn't make it today (I guess I was too stressed out by driving in the center of town for the first time.) But now I know what mistakes I made and I'm bound to do much better tomorrow.
I'm hesitating to sign up for swimming lessons next year. I took a year of lessons in high-school, and I made a lot of progress, and now I'm a fairly good swimmer although competition is DEFINATELY out of my league, and probably will always be. But lessons are more expensive than just a monthly pass, and only 1h per week. Also, it's kind of hard to sign up NOW, the deadline is Friday. If I do it, what will I do if I have classes in college at that time next year? Sometimes classes run very late. If I get a monthly pass, it'll be MUCH more flexible, and it's not like too many people go swimming in winter, so I shouldn't get as many bruises as I did today. Also, I could swim maybe 4 hours a week instead of just one. And enjoy 30 minutes in the jacuzzi per week as well :)
Anyway, I'll tell you if I get the job :) And also if I validate step 2 :)
finished reading Surface Tension
When I had posted about it, I was only about halfway through, and the end really surprised me. My intuition on each and every character was completely off!!!
At the end the suspense was nearly unbearable because you know there's a deep dark secret to be revealed, you also know that it's probably worse than you've imagined, but you just can't guess it. Or maybe I couldn't, my mind isn't twisted enough :p
In a sense it's a lot like the other book I read recently, Beautiful Lies, which probably explains why there was a special offer if I bought both at the same time. At first I thought it would be a book about cults, and although it IS an underlying theme, it's not the most important one. A bit like in Murakami's Kyoko, the friend she wants to help is gay, dying of AIDS and doesn't remember her, but the main theme of the book isn't homosexuality, or AIDS, but rather love and salsa.
So the questions this book raises are:
under what circumstances, and to whom, must the truth, as unbearable to hear as it may be, be told?
the question of child custody
secrets, especially of women who are beaten by their husbands
the truth and how it can be twisted
who to trust?
and many more, but sort of hard to formulate without revealing the entire plot.
books
At the end the suspense was nearly unbearable because you know there's a deep dark secret to be revealed, you also know that it's probably worse than you've imagined, but you just can't guess it. Or maybe I couldn't, my mind isn't twisted enough :p
In a sense it's a lot like the other book I read recently, Beautiful Lies, which probably explains why there was a special offer if I bought both at the same time. At first I thought it would be a book about cults, and although it IS an underlying theme, it's not the most important one. A bit like in Murakami's Kyoko, the friend she wants to help is gay, dying of AIDS and doesn't remember her, but the main theme of the book isn't homosexuality, or AIDS, but rather love and salsa.
So the questions this book raises are:
under what circumstances, and to whom, must the truth, as unbearable to hear as it may be, be told?
the question of child custody
secrets, especially of women who are beaten by their husbands
the truth and how it can be twisted
who to trust?
and many more, but sort of hard to formulate without revealing the entire plot.
books
Monday, June 26, 2006
More look-alikes...
Also, my sister looks like Hilary Clinton, and I look like Jamie Spears. My mom also looks like Kirstin Kreuk AND- Alizée!!! Was right on that one :)
BTW you need to use Firefox on that site, there's no Safari support.
sooo cute!!
Prefiro morrer em p�do q viver de joelhos!!!
I was pressing the random blog button, and I don't understand a word on this blog, but I'm posting the picture anyway because it's soooo CUTE!!!!
blogger vs. other blog services
I really like Blogger, it's one of the best I've used, but I'm really frustrated I can't make any categories, which would be necessary given the amount of subjects I talk about, for example I could have a category for each of my short stories (one for now), for thoughts/light philospohy, for book reviews, for mac stuff, etc... for my japanese and my driving, as well, and even some poetry, although I havn't put any up yet. Also for the posts about music...
But that just isn't possible. So I've started tagging my posts, I hope this helps.
blog
But that just isn't possible. So I've started tagging my posts, I hope this helps.
blog
my poor battery... :(
To get this info, I use a cool little app called Coconut Battery, it's very nice because you can keep a log of your battery usage and see how you use it gradually.
My mac is 10 months old and my battery only had 96% of it's original capacity left (I guess that's not SO bad). But I definately ran it down this time :p.
I still can use my mac for about 4 to 5 hours straight, depending on what I'm doing with it, so I guess there's no reason to complain.
mac
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Surface Tension
I'm reading this book right now, about a woman, who, in order to save her marriage which is falling apart ever since her husband's niece, Jenny, came to visit, decides to find Jenny, who ran away and got involved in a cult, trying to solve the mystery of her father's death, presumably by the guru of the cult.
I havn't reached the end, so that pretty much sums up what I know without going in to too many details.
Books
I look like Kristin Kreuk!
Click the link to see my sources, it's a face recognition site that compares my facial features to celebrities!!!!
But I look even more like Carrie Underwood (never heard of her, but she sure does look a little like me except she's blonde).
Warning: it can quickly become addictive!!!
Although I tried a second one and apparantly I look like Halle Berry. Doesn't seem credible. And c'mon, I don't look AT ALL like Paris Hilton. OK I guess it's more a toy than anything else lol...
I just thought it was funny that I'm supposed to look like Kristin Kreuk, her character always gets on my nerves in Smallville.
This is dumb. I should get some sleep now.
This is just my own observation, but I really think I look like Alizée. Not a fan of her music, although there's worse, but I think I really look a lot like her. Especially when I have short hair. Maybe less now than a few years ago, I don't know.
But I look even more like Carrie Underwood (never heard of her, but she sure does look a little like me except she's blonde).
Warning: it can quickly become addictive!!!
Although I tried a second one and apparantly I look like Halle Berry. Doesn't seem credible. And c'mon, I don't look AT ALL like Paris Hilton. OK I guess it's more a toy than anything else lol...
I just thought it was funny that I'm supposed to look like Kristin Kreuk, her character always gets on my nerves in Smallville.
This is dumb. I should get some sleep now.
This is just my own observation, but I really think I look like Alizée. Not a fan of her music, although there's worse, but I think I really look a lot like her. Especially when I have short hair. Maybe less now than a few years ago, I don't know.
An interesting article (this is a link)
On the blog of a friend of a friend. Mostly a long quote from Raymond C. Ortlund, but I had never read that before and I found it very interesting. It's about Adam and Eve, and temptation, and the way it works.
christian
christian
online books
Today I was discussing this topic with a friend, saying how annoying/dissappointing it is when a free book (because old enough or because the author intended it so) is offered online, but actually isn't a text file, but just image files from a scan of the actual book: impossible to search the text, which is dumb because that's what Spotlight is for, very long to load in a time and age where everything needs to be immediate, impossible to copy/paste sections of text (for quoting in an article or e-mail).
books
thoughts
books
thoughts
Saturday, June 24, 2006
a mac bug!!
Tell me, did I catch your attention?
My mom got a bug yesterday. It crawled into her screen somehow, underneath. But it's gone now so I can't take any pictures. :(
Must have crawled in through a small hole in the side, don't know exactly what they're for, I guess to mount the machine.
mac
My mom got a bug yesterday. It crawled into her screen somehow, underneath. But it's gone now so I can't take any pictures. :(
Must have crawled in through a small hole in the side, don't know exactly what they're for, I guess to mount the machine.
mac
waiting, on the bus...
I spend hours every week on the bus. Sometimes I'm lucky and have a friend to talk to, or find someone to practice my small talk (not my smalltalk ;) ) with.
Most of the time I turn up the volume of my iPod so that I can hear the music above the rumbling of the motor, and just wait, and wish that I was already at my destination. My cerebral activity is close to zero, I can barely even tell you what the last song I was listening to was.
Sometimes I'm brave and get out Tom Sheldon's collections of diabolical Sudoku, if I'm concentrated enough and the bus doesn't run into too many bumps, I can generally do one before reaching my destination.
Sometimes I get out my japanese and study it, but I'm actually more interested in noticing the curious looks other people on the bus have when they notice they can't understand what I'm reading.
Rarely, but it's happened, especially on long trips, I get my iBook out, fire up the Gimp or watch a movie (very long trips).
I also read a book sometimes, if I have a good novel.
Mostly when there's weather, I just look out the window. Once I took like 100 pictures of snow, a real one-day winter wonderland I captured "forever" (unless my computer crashes before I can backup). I also listen to the rain falling.
I feel kind of blank, and waiting mode kicks in.
A passive sort of waiting, without impatience. I've gotten over the impatience unless I'm really in a hurry. At this point the bus has become a sort of inevitable evil, I just take it and WAIT.
Sometimes I pretend I'm the one driving the bus and try to think of everything the bus driver must take into account. This works best when I'm up front, facing forward, which I usually avoid, as I get less carsick facing backward.
In town, I watch people.
The other day I saw a man and a woman who were putting their bags down to search for the keys of their appartement, all the while keeping an eye on their newborn baby in the stroller. For some reason, this simple everyday, completely random scene has been stuck in my mind for days.
Most people look like they have a destination, like they know where they're going, but some look just plain lost. They are walking around randomly, as I do when I have time to burn, somewhat taking in their surroundings, wondering where their steps will bring them next. Sort of like the people who go to random blogs, generally zap about 10, then something catches their eye and they stay. Sometimes they have to press the return button on their browser because they automatically zap and then realize there might have been something of interest on the page.
I was kind of like that today. I didn't want to stay in the bus forever, so I got out and took a path I had never walked before, taking another path to my destination, since I had time to do so, taking in all my surroundings, noticing the flowers in the houses, the proximity of social housing and nice villas which remains rather rare in general but pretty common in my city.
I also like looking at the commercials for men's clothing on bus stops. For once, it's not something somewhat obcene, like the woman's lingerie commercials sometimes tend to be (most of it is OK, but a few this year have been REALLY bad- not so much in terms of skin as in terms of commentary or context). In general, men's clothing commercials look really nice, and have a pretty cute joke about relationships. They try to bust stereotypes, like "men are macho" or "men are jerks/uncaring" by showing them obviously in love. I just find it somewhat cute. I don't have TV this year, so I guess I'm easily entertained.
This post is becoming long, so I'll shorten it.
waiting
Most of the time I turn up the volume of my iPod so that I can hear the music above the rumbling of the motor, and just wait, and wish that I was already at my destination. My cerebral activity is close to zero, I can barely even tell you what the last song I was listening to was.
Sometimes I'm brave and get out Tom Sheldon's collections of diabolical Sudoku, if I'm concentrated enough and the bus doesn't run into too many bumps, I can generally do one before reaching my destination.
Sometimes I get out my japanese and study it, but I'm actually more interested in noticing the curious looks other people on the bus have when they notice they can't understand what I'm reading.
Rarely, but it's happened, especially on long trips, I get my iBook out, fire up the Gimp or watch a movie (very long trips).
I also read a book sometimes, if I have a good novel.
Mostly when there's weather, I just look out the window. Once I took like 100 pictures of snow, a real one-day winter wonderland I captured "forever" (unless my computer crashes before I can backup). I also listen to the rain falling.
I feel kind of blank, and waiting mode kicks in.
A passive sort of waiting, without impatience. I've gotten over the impatience unless I'm really in a hurry. At this point the bus has become a sort of inevitable evil, I just take it and WAIT.
Sometimes I pretend I'm the one driving the bus and try to think of everything the bus driver must take into account. This works best when I'm up front, facing forward, which I usually avoid, as I get less carsick facing backward.
In town, I watch people.
The other day I saw a man and a woman who were putting their bags down to search for the keys of their appartement, all the while keeping an eye on their newborn baby in the stroller. For some reason, this simple everyday, completely random scene has been stuck in my mind for days.
Most people look like they have a destination, like they know where they're going, but some look just plain lost. They are walking around randomly, as I do when I have time to burn, somewhat taking in their surroundings, wondering where their steps will bring them next. Sort of like the people who go to random blogs, generally zap about 10, then something catches their eye and they stay. Sometimes they have to press the return button on their browser because they automatically zap and then realize there might have been something of interest on the page.
I was kind of like that today. I didn't want to stay in the bus forever, so I got out and took a path I had never walked before, taking another path to my destination, since I had time to do so, taking in all my surroundings, noticing the flowers in the houses, the proximity of social housing and nice villas which remains rather rare in general but pretty common in my city.
I also like looking at the commercials for men's clothing on bus stops. For once, it's not something somewhat obcene, like the woman's lingerie commercials sometimes tend to be (most of it is OK, but a few this year have been REALLY bad- not so much in terms of skin as in terms of commentary or context). In general, men's clothing commercials look really nice, and have a pretty cute joke about relationships. They try to bust stereotypes, like "men are macho" or "men are jerks/uncaring" by showing them obviously in love. I just find it somewhat cute. I don't have TV this year, so I guess I'm easily entertained.
This post is becoming long, so I'll shorten it.
waiting
I actually have a sense of humor!
It's amazing the transformation in just a week or so. I've been cracking myself up in auto-derision.
For example I have detailed stats for my blog, with IP adresses, referring pages, location, time spent on the blog, etc...
And I realized I was able to say who every single IP was just by guessing.
The one from Montreal was easy, especially since there was no referring adress, so it's obviously a bookmark.
The couple dozen before that was me, I guess in college the IP is super-dynamic or something. I don't really understand all that.
Then I saw someone else using Windows XP. I wondered who that could be then I realized it was me, last night, trying to determine how my blog looked in IE. (which accounts for the IE stats).
There was also a person from USA, referred from blogger. Obviously someone using the random blog thing. Especially since the referring page was written in what looked like chinese. If it had been Jap there would be hiragana and not only kanji.
I don't really care. It just cracks me up.
Oh and also I've actually been playing the guitar after months of silence, and I'm doing pretty good all things considered!!!!
I love playing Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson. It's fairly easy to play, too, and the chord succession is easy to remember, the rythm is cool and I love the song in general. Which is where my blog got it's name, not only because of my last couple posts and the explanation within.
For example I have detailed stats for my blog, with IP adresses, referring pages, location, time spent on the blog, etc...
And I realized I was able to say who every single IP was just by guessing.
The one from Montreal was easy, especially since there was no referring adress, so it's obviously a bookmark.
The couple dozen before that was me, I guess in college the IP is super-dynamic or something. I don't really understand all that.
Then I saw someone else using Windows XP. I wondered who that could be then I realized it was me, last night, trying to determine how my blog looked in IE. (which accounts for the IE stats).
There was also a person from USA, referred from blogger. Obviously someone using the random blog thing. Especially since the referring page was written in what looked like chinese. If it had been Jap there would be hiragana and not only kanji.
I don't really care. It just cracks me up.
Oh and also I've actually been playing the guitar after months of silence, and I'm doing pretty good all things considered!!!!
I love playing Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson. It's fairly easy to play, too, and the chord succession is easy to remember, the rythm is cool and I love the song in general. Which is where my blog got it's name, not only because of my last couple posts and the explanation within.
I want it all, I want it now :@
It's the song that's on the Sub-mix. I must say, the people who decide what music to play in Subway have better taste than at the beginning of the year (Pussycat Dolls? give me a break!).
I think that song describes pretty well how I feel right now. Patience is NOT my thing, it never has been, and I just want so much right away.
For example: I want my driver's licence. I have been making fast progress, and I enjoy driving, but I want to be able to drive even sooner...
For example: I want to know my results. I want to know my future. I want to know THE future, not just mine. I want to see what life will be like in 4 or 5 years.
And I sincerly wish that all computers would install the fonts I use. Not only does my blog look awful on Safari, but also on most PCs, because they don't have the fonts. So I need to work on that. ugh.
waiting
I think that song describes pretty well how I feel right now. Patience is NOT my thing, it never has been, and I just want so much right away.
For example: I want my driver's licence. I have been making fast progress, and I enjoy driving, but I want to be able to drive even sooner...
For example: I want to know my results. I want to know my future. I want to know THE future, not just mine. I want to see what life will be like in 4 or 5 years.
And I sincerly wish that all computers would install the fonts I use. Not only does my blog look awful on Safari, but also on most PCs, because they don't have the fonts. So I need to work on that. ugh.
waiting
Waiting and wishing is pointless!
Tell me, does anyone spend their time waiting and wishing for christmas in June? Little kids, maybe.
The reason is simple: waiting and wishing is time consuming, pointless, and frustrating if done too often. It would ruin half the year if people started waiting for christmas in June.
So not waiting seems the best solution. And not waiting doesn't necessarily mean deciding to celebrate christmas in June to avoid frustration, but it means not making wishing for christmas to arrive an activity.
So please, please, stop singing christmas songs!!!!!!!!!
waiting
thoughts
The reason is simple: waiting and wishing is time consuming, pointless, and frustrating if done too often. It would ruin half the year if people started waiting for christmas in June.
So not waiting seems the best solution. And not waiting doesn't necessarily mean deciding to celebrate christmas in June to avoid frustration, but it means not making wishing for christmas to arrive an activity.
So please, please, stop singing christmas songs!!!!!!!!!
waiting
thoughts
Friday, June 23, 2006
My iTunes top 10 this week
1. Heaven, Madison
2. Constellations, Jack Johnson
3. Tout me vient de toi , Madison
4. Rien ne me séparera, Madison
5. Badfish/Boss DJ, Jack Johnson
6. Underneath your clothes, Shakira
7. Pardonné, Madison
8. La Tortura, Shakira
9. You're the one that I want, Grease
10. Hips don't lie, Shakira
music
2. Constellations, Jack Johnson
3. Tout me vient de toi , Madison
4. Rien ne me séparera, Madison
5. Badfish/Boss DJ, Jack Johnson
6. Underneath your clothes, Shakira
7. Pardonné, Madison
8. La Tortura, Shakira
9. You're the one that I want, Grease
10. Hips don't lie, Shakira
music
Looks good in Firefox, but not Safari :s
I give up for today! Sorry, safari friends.... use firefox! forget about sunrisebrowser, too. I just don't feel like fixing it right now. I was working on Firefox because Safari renders margins somewhat differently (I think. maybe it's a different problem I'm too tiered to figure it out exactly). But then my fonts got all mixed up and for some reason on Safari they don't turn out ok. Who knows why? Web browsers are the biggest mystery ever!!
I'll fix it later, don't worry.
I'll fix it later, don't worry.
Looks like my layout is in it's almost final version
Of course, I realize there's room for improvement, but I'd say it's rather nice :D
If you like the flower on top, and have a mac, I encourage you to download adium, as well as my Sakura Xtras (see link on the side-bar).
This blog hasn't been very interesting lately, but then again it doesn't matter because nobody is reading me yet- I havn't started advertising :p.
If you like the flower on top, and have a mac, I encourage you to download adium, as well as my Sakura Xtras (see link on the side-bar).
This blog hasn't been very interesting lately, but then again it doesn't matter because nobody is reading me yet- I havn't started advertising :p.
forgive the layout
I'm working on it. For now it's a bit blah but that should change soon :D
I've *almost* got it how I want it :D
I've *almost* got it how I want it :D
Thursday, June 22, 2006
fete de la musique
Last night was "la fête de la musique" and with my youth group we sang in town, was fun and very nice, although our spot wasn't as good as last year.
Apart from that I am exhausted and need to do yardwork today.
Today there are going to be Daniel's results so I'm kind of impatient. Don't even have the patience to actually type correct sentances here.
Oh well.
Apart from that there's a chance I might get to spend a week in Belgium this summer :D
Apart from that I am exhausted and need to do yardwork today.
Today there are going to be Daniel's results so I'm kind of impatient. Don't even have the patience to actually type correct sentances here.
Oh well.
Apart from that there's a chance I might get to spend a week in Belgium this summer :D
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Validated step 1!!
Here, there are four steps to getting a driver's license, apart of course from the final exam.
I just validated my step 1, which quantitatively is about half of the total driving lessons. (it's the longest to validate)
So I find that rather encouraging!!
I love driving :D
Alessia
driving
I just validated my step 1, which quantitatively is about half of the total driving lessons. (it's the longest to validate)
So I find that rather encouraging!!
I love driving :D
Alessia
driving
Friday, June 16, 2006
Encoding is a pain
I'm making all of my websites using TextEdit. Plain Text. And then I type my code.
and when I save it, I try to make the encoding not mess up my accents and other important characters.
Works like a charm in SunriseBrowser, Safari and Shiira.
but Firefox won't even look into my style sheet, which means that I've lost HOURS trying to figure out the encoding. Once I get something firefox likes, the accents hate it.
And I still havn't figured it out.
ugh.......
I'm glad I'm not japanese, I can't imagine doing web-design with kanji :s
webdesign
and when I save it, I try to make the encoding not mess up my accents and other important characters.
Works like a charm in SunriseBrowser, Safari and Shiira.
but Firefox won't even look into my style sheet, which means that I've lost HOURS trying to figure out the encoding. Once I get something firefox likes, the accents hate it.
And I still havn't figured it out.
ugh.......
I'm glad I'm not japanese, I can't imagine doing web-design with kanji :s
webdesign
Thursday, June 15, 2006
making a website...
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
I should rename my blog...
.....And call it Learning, Exploring, Exploding...
I'm simultaneously trying to learn Javascript, DHTML and CSS, and trying to build a website, and trying to learn Smalltalk (but I can't choose between Squeak or VW - hard decision) and trying to learn Objective-C.
Convinced I'm crazy? If not, you should also be aware I'm trying to learn as many kanji as I can this summer. Which means about 3 or 4 per day. (you generally learn 3 or 4 at a time anyway)
If I do a good job, by the end of the year I should know the 500 most common kanji in the japanese language.
Which explains the exploding part. I AM supposed to be on vacation!
I'm simultaneously trying to learn Javascript, DHTML and CSS, and trying to build a website, and trying to learn Smalltalk (but I can't choose between Squeak or VW - hard decision) and trying to learn Objective-C.
Convinced I'm crazy? If not, you should also be aware I'm trying to learn as many kanji as I can this summer. Which means about 3 or 4 per day. (you generally learn 3 or 4 at a time anyway)
If I do a good job, by the end of the year I should know the 500 most common kanji in the japanese language.
Which explains the exploding part. I AM supposed to be on vacation!
Prodigal son series n°3
Read the Introduction to the series.
Or read the first episode "I don't want to talk about that"
Or the second episode, Tempted to go back to all that
I messed up
I feel so awful. I said I wouldn't. I resisted the temptation that assaulted me for weeks on end. And then one night I didn't ask my father to help me resist, because I was too embarrassed to be tempted again, and I went out to take a walk, saying I'd be OK. I met old "friends". And I gave in.
Enough said.
How can I ever go back after this? Since I've been home the worst I've done is a couple spats with my brother and my father disciplined both of us.
I am afraid he won't take me back, not a second time.
I know he will but I have a hard time believing it. And what if my brother finds out? I don't think HE could forgive me- ever. Not for hurting my father again.
I need to listen to Kansas, "Hold on". Sadly, Kansas isn't born yet and there aren't any electric guitars. I tell you, life in first century Israel is just no fun. Enough said.
Here are the future lyrics anyway:
Look in the mirror and tell me
Just what you see
What have the years of your life
Taught you to be
Innocence dyin' in so many ways
Things that you dream of are lost
Lost in the haze
(Chorus)
Hold on, Baby Hold on
'Cause it's closer than you think
And you're standing on the brink
Hold on, Baby Hold on
'Cause there's something on the way
Your tomorrow's not the same as today
Don't you recall what you felt
When you weren't alone
Someone who stood by your side
A face you have known
Where do you run when it's too much to bear
Who do you turn to in need
When nobody's there
(Chorus)
Outside your door He is waiting
Waiting for you
Sooner or later you know
He's got to get through
No hesitation and no holding back
Let it all go and you'll know
You're on the right track
(Chorus)
This song bears hope for me.
prodigal son
christian
short stories
Or read the first episode "I don't want to talk about that"
Or the second episode, Tempted to go back to all that
I messed up
I feel so awful. I said I wouldn't. I resisted the temptation that assaulted me for weeks on end. And then one night I didn't ask my father to help me resist, because I was too embarrassed to be tempted again, and I went out to take a walk, saying I'd be OK. I met old "friends". And I gave in.
Enough said.
How can I ever go back after this? Since I've been home the worst I've done is a couple spats with my brother and my father disciplined both of us.
I am afraid he won't take me back, not a second time.
I know he will but I have a hard time believing it. And what if my brother finds out? I don't think HE could forgive me- ever. Not for hurting my father again.
I need to listen to Kansas, "Hold on". Sadly, Kansas isn't born yet and there aren't any electric guitars. I tell you, life in first century Israel is just no fun. Enough said.
Here are the future lyrics anyway:
Look in the mirror and tell me
Just what you see
What have the years of your life
Taught you to be
Innocence dyin' in so many ways
Things that you dream of are lost
Lost in the haze
(Chorus)
Hold on, Baby Hold on
'Cause it's closer than you think
And you're standing on the brink
Hold on, Baby Hold on
'Cause there's something on the way
Your tomorrow's not the same as today
Don't you recall what you felt
When you weren't alone
Someone who stood by your side
A face you have known
Where do you run when it's too much to bear
Who do you turn to in need
When nobody's there
(Chorus)
Outside your door He is waiting
Waiting for you
Sooner or later you know
He's got to get through
No hesitation and no holding back
Let it all go and you'll know
You're on the right track
(Chorus)
This song bears hope for me.
prodigal son
christian
short stories
Prodigal son series n°2
Read the Introduction to the series.
Or read the first episode "I don't want to talk about that"
Sometimes, I miss my wayward days
My father knows this, and he promised he wouldn't let me leave, in a moment of folly. He might let me go for a night, if I didn't listen to him, but the next morning, he'd be there on his horse, with one for me, to come home. But if I left again, I'd break his heart. He will always love me, you know.
And if I go back to all that, I can expect discipline. He didn't discipline me when I came home the first time, because I was honestly repentant, and he organized a feast for me, his primary concern being to make me feel welcomed and loved. But if I choose to leave again, it's somehow worse, because I know the consequences and choose to leave anyway, so discipline is necessary.
I am at peace right now, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by guilt, or temptatioin to go back to all that.
When I came back, I ran into my father's arms, and I told him "I hope it isn't too late to say I love you". I just wanted to be a servant in his home- I could hardly expect more. Yet he took me in.
How can I avoid going back to all that?
By not dwelling on it: horses tend to avoid obstacles, but I figure that if one day we can drive without horses, lots of people will run into them because they'll be looking at the obstacles and not the road.
I just need to remember how low I sink, all the pain and guilt the next day.
And especially remember how leaving again would break my father's heart. He would forgive me again, but is that justification enough for hurting someone you love?
I guess thinking about the discipline and guilt does help somewhat, but that isn't the primary reason not to go back to all that, so if I begin to think it is, the day I can leave without anyone finding out, I'd do it. Sin doesn't have to be spectacular!
Most importantly, my father gives me the strength not to go back to all that. I am weak in that sense. Without him, I couldn't last a week.
christian
prodigal son
short stories
Or read the first episode "I don't want to talk about that"
Sometimes, I miss my wayward days
My father knows this, and he promised he wouldn't let me leave, in a moment of folly. He might let me go for a night, if I didn't listen to him, but the next morning, he'd be there on his horse, with one for me, to come home. But if I left again, I'd break his heart. He will always love me, you know.
And if I go back to all that, I can expect discipline. He didn't discipline me when I came home the first time, because I was honestly repentant, and he organized a feast for me, his primary concern being to make me feel welcomed and loved. But if I choose to leave again, it's somehow worse, because I know the consequences and choose to leave anyway, so discipline is necessary.
I am at peace right now, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by guilt, or temptatioin to go back to all that.
When I came back, I ran into my father's arms, and I told him "I hope it isn't too late to say I love you". I just wanted to be a servant in his home- I could hardly expect more. Yet he took me in.
How can I avoid going back to all that?
By not dwelling on it: horses tend to avoid obstacles, but I figure that if one day we can drive without horses, lots of people will run into them because they'll be looking at the obstacles and not the road.
I just need to remember how low I sink, all the pain and guilt the next day.
And especially remember how leaving again would break my father's heart. He would forgive me again, but is that justification enough for hurting someone you love?
I guess thinking about the discipline and guilt does help somewhat, but that isn't the primary reason not to go back to all that, so if I begin to think it is, the day I can leave without anyone finding out, I'd do it. Sin doesn't have to be spectacular!
Most importantly, my father gives me the strength not to go back to all that. I am weak in that sense. Without him, I couldn't last a week.
christian
prodigal son
short stories
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
iTunes top 10 songs in my Library
This doesn't necessarily reflect what my favorite music is, but rather what I have been putting on my ipod shuffle recently: since I spend hours listening to it on the bus and can have a limited number of songs, I end up listening to the same stuff over and over. Also, I recently (about a month or so ago) reset my counters, so the music I love but "overdosed" on isn't represented, such as Petra.
1. Tout me vient de toi, Madison
2. Rien ne me séparera, Madison
3.Heaven, Madison
4.Turn to stone, ELO
5.Constellations Jack Johnson
6.Pardonné, Madison
7.Underneath your clothes, Shakira
8.Steppin out, ELO
9.Badish/Boss DJ, Jack Johnson
10. Shelter, Madison
OR, here are the top 10 artists, which might be more representative:
1. Madison
2. ELO
3. Jack Johnson
4. Shakira
5. Kansas
6. Petra
7. Hillsong (United)
8. W's
9. Lighthouse Family
10. Ace of Base
1. Tout me vient de toi, Madison
2. Rien ne me séparera, Madison
3.Heaven, Madison
4.Turn to stone, ELO
5.Constellations Jack Johnson
6.Pardonné, Madison
7.Underneath your clothes, Shakira
8.Steppin out, ELO
9.Badish/Boss DJ, Jack Johnson
10. Shelter, Madison
OR, here are the top 10 artists, which might be more representative:
1. Madison
2. ELO
3. Jack Johnson
4. Shakira
5. Kansas
6. Petra
7. Hillsong (United)
8. W's
9. Lighthouse Family
10. Ace of Base
Monday, June 12, 2006
feeling artsy...
Here is a list of music I've been listening to for awhile now, check it out!!
Within Temptation:
Jack Johnson
Shakira:
Lighthouse family:
music
Within Temptation:
Jack Johnson
Shakira:
Lighthouse family:
music
testing to show my sis blogger can do anything skyblog can-and better!
Cadavre Exquis
***
Nous avons joué au CaDaVrE eXqUiS mardi dernier, pendant la derniere heure de francais...en quoi consiste ce jeu?? En fait, on est par trois, on plie une bandelette de papier en trois, une personne écrit le sujet d'une phrase sur une partie de la bandelette, la deuxieme personne écrit un verbe, et la troisieme écrit un complément...Personne ne voit ce que les autres ont écrit, jusqu'à la fin, lorsque la phrase est révèlée... J'ai récupéré quelques bandelettes...voici ce que ça donne:
La petite étoile rigole avec une glace.
La jardin merveilleux courait avec mon maillot de bain.
Une raquette de tennis vomit un baiser brûlant.
La mouche mutante fixa le chien avec mon petit chimpanzé.
Le soleil rêvait dans une forêt luxuriante.
Le voyageur enchanté poussait avec mon éléphant en bois.
Le bateau regarde dans mon jardin.
L'extraordinaire corbeau dormait sans son café.
Un splendide arc-en-ciel fumait avec mon amie.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Applescript for Absolute Starters
Become an Xcoder...
I just spent the afternoon reading that file, up to chapter 9. Of course I'll have to go back and re-read certain passages to fully assimilate them, but it's very interesting. To get the .pdf file, just click on the title of this post.
It's a book about how to start progamming the mac using Objective-C. (not very original, am I? I just copied the subtitle of the book!!)
I'm really planning on learning as much as I can this summer with my free time.
I have several goals I want to fulfill this summer:
a. get my driver's licence
b. learn as much as I can - kanji, programming, etc...
c. get a job for next year
d. make a website...
Without counting, of course, all my other plans that actually are on my calendar.
geek
book
It's a book about how to start progamming the mac using Objective-C. (not very original, am I? I just copied the subtitle of the book!!)
I'm really planning on learning as much as I can this summer with my free time.
I have several goals I want to fulfill this summer:
a. get my driver's licence
b. learn as much as I can - kanji, programming, etc...
c. get a job for next year
d. make a website...
Without counting, of course, all my other plans that actually are on my calendar.
geek
book
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Beautiful Lies *****
By Lisa Unger.
The best book I've read in a long time. Suspense, until the very last
page. And the characters seem so real.
It's about a girl who, one day, receives a picture in her mailbox, a
picture of a man, a woman and a baby. The woman looks incredibly like
her. And a question: are you my daughter?
Questions. About her past. Who she is.
I devoured it in one day.
In french, it is called Cours Ma Jolie. The link is to the website of the store where I got it, there are reviews and even an interview of the author I think.
books
Friday, June 09, 2006
Sitting, waiting, wishing...
This bridge is from my favorite park, it leads to a nice little island.
Kind of wanted to post a picture of it.
I like going there to walk after classes, and I tend to listen to Jack Johnson. In the park I guess my activity could be described as sitting, waiting (for what? who knows!) and wishing... dreaming...
Ok that sounded kind of lame but I don't like just posting pictures lol.
I don't want to talk about that... (prodigal son series, 1)
If you havn't read the introduction to the series , please do so.
You probably know my story. Most people do. The prodigal son, finally home after taking all his father's money and spending it in the worst way...
But I don't really want to talk about that. It's ugly, which makes it juicy, but really, most importantly, it's over. Finished. I'm never going back to that.
Most people don't know exactly what happened. Obviously you do, because you've read about it, but back then, in my town, my father kept really quiet about it. He knew how ugly stories make the best gossip, and he wanted me to be able to come back and start living pretty normally without having to deal with everyone knowing why I left and what I did when I was gone: the gossip was bad enough without them knowing that. He wants everyone to mind their own buisness and deal with their own dirty laundry, not everyone else's.
So sometimes, when I talk about my ugly past and don't go into specifics, people who thought I was still acting like the boy they always knew either don't take me seriously and wonder if the "ugly past" I am referring to is actually the time I was throwing stones by the lake and hit a duck by mistake. Obviously I don't really want to set them straight.
And then there are some people who let their imaginations run wild, they imagine I was actually dealing drugs and coordinating a prostitution network and indulging in cannibalism whenever someone overdosed or whenever one of the "girls" died of exhaustion- or simply just for kicks.
I'll tell you one thing about my ugly past: it is neither of those assumptions.
The solution would be to not mention it AT ALL, but if I did that I'd feel like a hypocrite, I wouldn't be REAL, people would think of me as they always have, which isn't quite right, either.
So why exactly don't I want to talk about my past with people?
I think one of the main reasons is that, as I said, "the more you know, the juicier it gets". Theater is really very interesting (although pagan, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but it is one thing I don't regret about my past, I saw quite a few plays that were very interesting. Obviously you need discernment, which I didn't have back then but if I saw them again now I don't think it would be wrong). But one thing I noticed about the stories we watch on stage is that the characters are always behaving in such a way that they have problems later on, and solving them makes juicy stories. In theater, it's OK, as long as you don't spend your day watching it, because it's fictional, and the stories generally aren't ALWAYS gossip. The problem is when the juice is on our neighbors and friends.
Did you ever notice how some of the most self-righteous people are the ones who tell the most awful stories? They always know when a girl wound up pregnant or a guy killed his whole family after drinking too much, or how good 'ol Zach's son turned out to be gay, or about the latest orgy in the neighborhood... They like to tell those stories because it makes them feel good about themselves, because THEY, at least, would NEVER indulge in such sin. But they don't need to!!! If they could, without anybody knowing, they'd go to every orgy on the block! Instead, they just talk about it, fantasize about it, which turns them on nearly as much as actually accomplishing any of it would...
Everybody is like that, to a degree. You know, when leaving was the furthest thing from my mind, I was like that. "No, not me, never." I didn't go to any of the parties, not before leaving anyway. I just heard about them, saying I would never do that. Never. Well, one day, hearing about it just wan't enough anymore, it didn't give me the rush it used to, so I had to try it. Just a little. And it ate me alive.
So I'd rather not talk about it, because I don't want you to go down the same path as I did, or as the pharasees do: either indulging in sin, or in self-righteousness. Both are extremes, and I'm not sure which one is worse. Probably the self-righteousness, because when you have that attitude, how are you going to repent from it? You're not even conscious it's wrong... Jesus came to save the sick, not the "healthy". I knew I needed to come home, it was as plain as the nose on my face.
I also don't want to go into details, because that makes me have to actually think about them, remember what it was like.
Sometimes, I just disgust myself and although I know I've started anew, I get rushes of guilt.
Sometimes, worse, I remember how enjoyable it was at some times. Although sin is ugly, and has dreadful consequences, it's tempting for a reason. And if I think on my past too much, sometimes I am almost tempted to go back to all that.
So that is why I don't want to talk about my past, but rather about my father's love and how I can avoid making more mistakes.
christian
prodigal son
short stories
You probably know my story. Most people do. The prodigal son, finally home after taking all his father's money and spending it in the worst way...
But I don't really want to talk about that. It's ugly, which makes it juicy, but really, most importantly, it's over. Finished. I'm never going back to that.
Most people don't know exactly what happened. Obviously you do, because you've read about it, but back then, in my town, my father kept really quiet about it. He knew how ugly stories make the best gossip, and he wanted me to be able to come back and start living pretty normally without having to deal with everyone knowing why I left and what I did when I was gone: the gossip was bad enough without them knowing that. He wants everyone to mind their own buisness and deal with their own dirty laundry, not everyone else's.
So sometimes, when I talk about my ugly past and don't go into specifics, people who thought I was still acting like the boy they always knew either don't take me seriously and wonder if the "ugly past" I am referring to is actually the time I was throwing stones by the lake and hit a duck by mistake. Obviously I don't really want to set them straight.
And then there are some people who let their imaginations run wild, they imagine I was actually dealing drugs and coordinating a prostitution network and indulging in cannibalism whenever someone overdosed or whenever one of the "girls" died of exhaustion- or simply just for kicks.
I'll tell you one thing about my ugly past: it is neither of those assumptions.
The solution would be to not mention it AT ALL, but if I did that I'd feel like a hypocrite, I wouldn't be REAL, people would think of me as they always have, which isn't quite right, either.
So why exactly don't I want to talk about my past with people?
I think one of the main reasons is that, as I said, "the more you know, the juicier it gets". Theater is really very interesting (although pagan, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but it is one thing I don't regret about my past, I saw quite a few plays that were very interesting. Obviously you need discernment, which I didn't have back then but if I saw them again now I don't think it would be wrong). But one thing I noticed about the stories we watch on stage is that the characters are always behaving in such a way that they have problems later on, and solving them makes juicy stories. In theater, it's OK, as long as you don't spend your day watching it, because it's fictional, and the stories generally aren't ALWAYS gossip. The problem is when the juice is on our neighbors and friends.
Did you ever notice how some of the most self-righteous people are the ones who tell the most awful stories? They always know when a girl wound up pregnant or a guy killed his whole family after drinking too much, or how good 'ol Zach's son turned out to be gay, or about the latest orgy in the neighborhood... They like to tell those stories because it makes them feel good about themselves, because THEY, at least, would NEVER indulge in such sin. But they don't need to!!! If they could, without anybody knowing, they'd go to every orgy on the block! Instead, they just talk about it, fantasize about it, which turns them on nearly as much as actually accomplishing any of it would...
Everybody is like that, to a degree. You know, when leaving was the furthest thing from my mind, I was like that. "No, not me, never." I didn't go to any of the parties, not before leaving anyway. I just heard about them, saying I would never do that. Never. Well, one day, hearing about it just wan't enough anymore, it didn't give me the rush it used to, so I had to try it. Just a little. And it ate me alive.
So I'd rather not talk about it, because I don't want you to go down the same path as I did, or as the pharasees do: either indulging in sin, or in self-righteousness. Both are extremes, and I'm not sure which one is worse. Probably the self-righteousness, because when you have that attitude, how are you going to repent from it? You're not even conscious it's wrong... Jesus came to save the sick, not the "healthy". I knew I needed to come home, it was as plain as the nose on my face.
I also don't want to go into details, because that makes me have to actually think about them, remember what it was like.
Sometimes, I just disgust myself and although I know I've started anew, I get rushes of guilt.
Sometimes, worse, I remember how enjoyable it was at some times. Although sin is ugly, and has dreadful consequences, it's tempting for a reason. And if I think on my past too much, sometimes I am almost tempted to go back to all that.
So that is why I don't want to talk about my past, but rather about my father's love and how I can avoid making more mistakes.
christian
prodigal son
short stories
Introduction to the Prodigal Son series
I was listening to Avalon, and I'll paste the lyrics here. I really can relate to that song.
And I felt like writing. So I decided to write short "journal" entries by the prodigal son who just got home. And also by the other brother. So it's somewhat about me, personally, but not entirerly. It's more about everyone, I think.
I hope you enjoy it :)
Feel free to leave comments.
Avalon - Always Have, Always Will Lyrics
Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other
brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really
somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days we're reconciled
But I wonder all the
while
Why you put up with me, when...
I wrestle
most days
To find ways to do as I please
CHORUS
I always have, I always will
You saved me
once, You save me still
My longing heart, Your love alone
can fil
You always have, always will
I was born
with a wayward heart
Still I live with a restless spirit
My soul is so well worn
You'd think I'd have
arrived by now
I'm caught in the trappings of
My
search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough
To last me a lifetime
I still slip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to you
CHORUS
I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what
You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You
have gone (yeah)
I'm letting You lead me on
All
my days (always and forever)
Never far (never leave me
never)
Here I'll stay (ever love me ever)
Here's my heart
I'll always love You, love You
(yeah)
CHORUS 2X
Oh, You always have, You
always will
christianprodigal sonshort stories
And I felt like writing. So I decided to write short "journal" entries by the prodigal son who just got home. And also by the other brother. So it's somewhat about me, personally, but not entirerly. It's more about everyone, I think.
I hope you enjoy it :)
Feel free to leave comments.
Avalon - Always Have, Always Will Lyrics
Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other
brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really
somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days we're reconciled
But I wonder all the
while
Why you put up with me, when...
I wrestle
most days
To find ways to do as I please
CHORUS
I always have, I always will
You saved me
once, You save me still
My longing heart, Your love alone
can fil
You always have, always will
I was born
with a wayward heart
Still I live with a restless spirit
My soul is so well worn
You'd think I'd have
arrived by now
I'm caught in the trappings of
My
search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough
To last me a lifetime
I still slip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to you
CHORUS
I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what
You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You
have gone (yeah)
I'm letting You lead me on
All
my days (always and forever)
Never far (never leave me
never)
Here I'll stay (ever love me ever)
Here's my heart
I'll always love You, love You
(yeah)
CHORUS 2X
Oh, You always have, You
always will
christianprodigal sonshort stories
Thursday, June 08, 2006
farm in town and why I don't "do" sandwiches anymore...
After my exams (that went well, BTW), I went into town to meet up with two friends, and the three of us went to the parlement plaza where long chairs were laid out... And we got free milk because there's the farming festival in town, so that was nice.
Although it kind of smells up the place: cows and goats right by city hall!!! Two weeks ago there was a gay/lesbian meeting there against homophobia. I was interested to look into the stands, what they had to say and all that but I really felt out of place. At least that's what it felt like, since it was after classes and not too many people were there, it was the last hour of the expo. And half of them were wearing animator tags and when I was just looking at the signs they put up, and reading their info, they didn't seem interested in talking to me. So I didn't stay long. Anyway back to today.
Then we went grocery shopping. I got a picnic for tonight: rice and milk and some chips. Not very balenced, but better than sandwiches. I am so sick and tiered of sandwiches. I've eaten a sandwich nearly every day this year because it's the fastest thing to eat between classes and it's cheap, too. Yesterday I ate three sorbet popsicles for lunch because they were on sale, it was hot and it seemed a reasonable alternative to sandwiches. I ate three because that was the smallest available box in the supermarket and I didn't have a freezer on hand.
We didn't take any pictures though, because Charlotte's mom borrowed her camera, I left mine at home and Elisa's is out of battery. Would have been quite a sight, though, cows in town!!
Charlotte has a new webcam, which reminds me: I SOOOOOOOO need a macbook!!!!
I'm not sure I can go swimming in Apigné tomorrow, there aren't that many buses (only one an hour in the afternoon) and I have a driving lesson, so I couldn't stay there very long. It's easier to just go to the pool, even though a lake is much more fun.
I got to stop chattering. This post was fairly pointless.
Soon I'll get some interesting stuff up, I'm working on writing short stories this summer. And I'll also talk about what I'm reading and what I'm learning. I COULD tell you about the exact content of my exams, but I'm not sure that's too interesting.
Although it kind of smells up the place: cows and goats right by city hall!!! Two weeks ago there was a gay/lesbian meeting there against homophobia. I was interested to look into the stands, what they had to say and all that but I really felt out of place. At least that's what it felt like, since it was after classes and not too many people were there, it was the last hour of the expo. And half of them were wearing animator tags and when I was just looking at the signs they put up, and reading their info, they didn't seem interested in talking to me. So I didn't stay long. Anyway back to today.
Then we went grocery shopping. I got a picnic for tonight: rice and milk and some chips. Not very balenced, but better than sandwiches. I am so sick and tiered of sandwiches. I've eaten a sandwich nearly every day this year because it's the fastest thing to eat between classes and it's cheap, too. Yesterday I ate three sorbet popsicles for lunch because they were on sale, it was hot and it seemed a reasonable alternative to sandwiches. I ate three because that was the smallest available box in the supermarket and I didn't have a freezer on hand.
We didn't take any pictures though, because Charlotte's mom borrowed her camera, I left mine at home and Elisa's is out of battery. Would have been quite a sight, though, cows in town!!
Charlotte has a new webcam, which reminds me: I SOOOOOOOO need a macbook!!!!
I'm not sure I can go swimming in Apigné tomorrow, there aren't that many buses (only one an hour in the afternoon) and I have a driving lesson, so I couldn't stay there very long. It's easier to just go to the pool, even though a lake is much more fun.
I got to stop chattering. This post was fairly pointless.
Soon I'll get some interesting stuff up, I'm working on writing short stories this summer. And I'll also talk about what I'm reading and what I'm learning. I COULD tell you about the exact content of my exams, but I'm not sure that's too interesting.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
books
This month, I want to read a lot more.
Normally I'm quite a reader, but this year I just didn't have time. Kind of sad. I did read a few good books. One by Amélie Nothomb at christmas, and I also re-read the book about North Korea, and I read a book about a japanese girl who tried to kill herself and survived and then found a reason to live...
And then there was Boy meets Girl (by Joshua Harris).
And The Naked Christian (about being real, not strip-teasing LOL)
And then Narnia again.
And C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy (I LOVED it BTW)...
And another book by Murakami.
And of course my Bible (not entierely, I havn't been very disciplined).
I also read quite a lot about Economy, and a few books about Japanese culture/history...
I'm probably forgetting books too (I definately hope so because this list is pathetically short!)
Anyway mom just ordered some really interesting books for me, I'll tell you more about them when they get here.
Also, I'm planning on getting a book at France Loisirs, and I have my eye on a particular book but I can't remember the title. So I'll tell you more about it when it gets here.
Anyway those 5 books should keep me fairly busy.
Also, I'm going to read up on XML and HTML and maybe even some Javascript if I have time.
Normally I'm quite a reader, but this year I just didn't have time. Kind of sad. I did read a few good books. One by Amélie Nothomb at christmas, and I also re-read the book about North Korea, and I read a book about a japanese girl who tried to kill herself and survived and then found a reason to live...
And then there was Boy meets Girl (by Joshua Harris).
And The Naked Christian (about being real, not strip-teasing LOL)
And then Narnia again.
And C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy (I LOVED it BTW)...
And another book by Murakami.
And of course my Bible (not entierely, I havn't been very disciplined).
I also read quite a lot about Economy, and a few books about Japanese culture/history...
I'm probably forgetting books too (I definately hope so because this list is pathetically short!)
Anyway mom just ordered some really interesting books for me, I'll tell you more about them when they get here.
Also, I'm planning on getting a book at France Loisirs, and I have my eye on a particular book but I can't remember the title. So I'll tell you more about it when it gets here.
Anyway those 5 books should keep me fairly busy.
Also, I'm going to read up on XML and HTML and maybe even some Javascript if I have time.
mid-exam post
Well, most of my exams are over now, I have algebra and political history tomorrow, and japanese on Saturday.
I am ready for those, I'll just study a bit tonight and it should go like a charm.
Excel was a breeze.
Micro-economy was OK, I think I did good.
But Analyse was a disaster. I think she must have given us the exam we would have had even without the 2 month and a half blockage.
I can compensate with my other subjects, though, thankfully.
Yesterday I had a great time with my best friend, just hanging out, and then I studied some more.
Tomorrow after exams there's a picnic with the Agape group, it'll be fun. I don't think I'll play soccer OR volleyball though, I'll just watch.
On Friday, I'll study japanese in the morning, drive in the afternoon, and then Charlotte and I are going swimming in the lake (with anti-mosquito gel because I can only imagine how many mosquitoes live in the lake!!!)
Alessia
I am ready for those, I'll just study a bit tonight and it should go like a charm.
Excel was a breeze.
Micro-economy was OK, I think I did good.
But Analyse was a disaster. I think she must have given us the exam we would have had even without the 2 month and a half blockage.
I can compensate with my other subjects, though, thankfully.
Yesterday I had a great time with my best friend, just hanging out, and then I studied some more.
Tomorrow after exams there's a picnic with the Agape group, it'll be fun. I don't think I'll play soccer OR volleyball though, I'll just watch.
On Friday, I'll study japanese in the morning, drive in the afternoon, and then Charlotte and I are going swimming in the lake (with anti-mosquito gel because I can only imagine how many mosquitoes live in the lake!!!)
Alessia
Monday, June 05, 2006
spooked horses are spooky
The neighbor's horse is spooked, and THAT is spooky. It's been making awful noises for the last hour or so, and I am freaked out...
I know a girl who's friend got killed by a spooked horse. She was riding her horse and a tractor came along and the creature trampled her...
I really would sleep better tonight if that horse was FAR AWAY from here.
aujourd'hui, on va à la plage...
I remember listening to that song on the Zozo tape to learn french
when I was a kid. I had never seen a beach in my life, so it sounded
incredibly exotic. Going to the beach in France...
Little did I know that one day I would live really close to a beach
and also have that phrase actually mean anything to me, instead of
just being "something in french, that means "today, we're going to
the beach"." ...
So today, I'm going to the beach once more, it's a perfect day to
inaugurate my new swimsuit. It's blue to match my flip-flops.
Daniel and me
A year and a half today!!!! To celebrate, here is a picture of us, taken yesterday. Was a nice day yesterday, too.
Sadly, here we are again having to wait countless days to see one another again, after 3 lovely weeks where we saw each other all the time (or almost).
Exams are a pain.
my ical... testing to see if this works at all.
OK. I guess you can't post images via e-mail on this blog. Maybe I should have sticked to my old one lol.
Anyway I had to add the image manually from the blog interface. Oh well...
oh, what a lovely day!
But not practical to work at all. And I have exams to prepare, so I'm
a bit stressed out.
here is a screenshot of my ical this week.
I figure I can at least study every night.
I am NOT ready for management at all, so I'll work on that today and
tomorrow on my way to school (in the bus or the train-whatever)
méthodologie maths, I am as ready as I can be, so I'm not worried.
Analyse, I still need to work on it, but I'm more ready than I was
last week, which is progress.
Micro-économie, well I *think* I'm ready. Still have to work on it,
though. AND remember to bring a calculator...
Méthodologie informatique, I mean, how more ready can you get? Excel
isn't the hardest thing on earth.
Japanese- oral exam *should* go OK: I know how to read smoothly
enough, and understand most of the vocabulary, and can generally
answer questions correctly.
Algèbre: I'm ready. I'll just study maybe another hour or so before
the exam, just in case. but then again, it's addictive, so the danger
is to study ONLY that subject.
Institutions Politiques. I figure a blue underliner and reading my
classes a bit every night should do the trick.
Japanese on Saturday: for crying out loud, I have a WHOLE DAY to
study for that, and besides, I'm ready!!!!!!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
oops i did it again...
i messed up. i messed up your vision of life, of God, of me- not that that really matters. you don't even really care, do you? you don't see the problem. and why should you?
but it's there. and i feel so bad.
can it change, can i still show you love? can i still show you God? i am so imperfect, how can you see God in me? how can you see beyond me?
nobody can see God. why does he choose imperfect people to reflect him? His image in me is broken, faded, imperfect and i sooo wish it wasn't so.
yet he chose to do things that way. and i guess it's good. if you can see beyond my blemishes and see God's grace in me, how he has transformed me, although i still stumble, fall and am imperfect, you can see that his love is for everyone, that you can come to Him as you are, and he will change you.
you don't need to clean up your life first.
you can't clean up your life first.
no matter how you scrub and scrub and scrub, you can't clean yourself anymore than you could levitate by pulling yourself upward by the hair.
i suppose if you can realize that by looking into my life, all is not lost.
i am sorry; you probably won't ever read this. i am sorry but just know that I want to reflect Jesus, I want to be like him.
Alessia
PS: sorry I was too lazy to put caps in last night, and I still am too lazy to mod it all.
thoughtschristian
but it's there. and i feel so bad.
can it change, can i still show you love? can i still show you God? i am so imperfect, how can you see God in me? how can you see beyond me?
nobody can see God. why does he choose imperfect people to reflect him? His image in me is broken, faded, imperfect and i sooo wish it wasn't so.
yet he chose to do things that way. and i guess it's good. if you can see beyond my blemishes and see God's grace in me, how he has transformed me, although i still stumble, fall and am imperfect, you can see that his love is for everyone, that you can come to Him as you are, and he will change you.
you don't need to clean up your life first.
you can't clean up your life first.
no matter how you scrub and scrub and scrub, you can't clean yourself anymore than you could levitate by pulling yourself upward by the hair.
i suppose if you can realize that by looking into my life, all is not lost.
i am sorry; you probably won't ever read this. i am sorry but just know that I want to reflect Jesus, I want to be like him.
Alessia
PS: sorry I was too lazy to put caps in last night, and I still am too lazy to mod it all.
thoughtschristian
first post here
Why a new blog?
New start I guess. I already have countless blogs. But I need a fresh start. And this one, I'm keeping. Waiting, wishing.
For what?
I'll let you figure that out.
I'll post little bits of my life, my little wishes.
Waiting.
New start I guess. I already have countless blogs. But I need a fresh start. And this one, I'm keeping. Waiting, wishing.
For what?
I'll let you figure that out.
I'll post little bits of my life, my little wishes.
Waiting.
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