Tuesday, July 04, 2006

planning the future

Tomorrow I'm driving again (2 hours). I've been working on manoeuvering, so far it's kind of hard, so I've practiced on my parent's old car in the driveway, and I think I'm gettting the hang of it. It requires a lot of hard work but I think I can eventually do it.
I really want to get my licence on my first attempt.
It's kind of stressing me out to not know a date for the exam. I'm the type of person that likes to plan everything, if possible, years in advance. So not being able to print out a definate calendar for the month of July and August, that I will have hardly any changes to make to it, just BOTHERS me.
And I still don't know where to put all my stuff. Especially my books. I'm pretty sure I can cram the clothes in my closet somehow, and people don't really care how many guitars are laying about the room, but I just don't know WHAT to do with all my books. We're supposed to have guests this summer!
And also I don't know which trips I can go on. There are only 2 non-negociable events in my whole summer and the rest just depend on the date of my driver's licence and when I can get lessons and where I will stay...

I really should be more serene about this, but it's hard to not know.

You know, I don't even really know for sure yet if I'm taken into the school I want next year. I've done my application, but results don't come in until July 20th. I'm changing majors, and therefore colleges, which means my application needs to be accepted or I'll have to start from year 1. Which would be sad and I have no intention of doing that.

I don't have a job, either. But how can I get a job with a summer punctuated with incertitude til the very end?

And then a whole bunch of details stress me out. Not forgetting my bus ticket. Not forgetting my booklet. Charging my phone. Changing the strings on my guitar.

I really need to be less of a control freak. Trying to plan every detail of my future can only bring frustration and dissappointement. Because things rarely turn out how I've planned. Very rarely.

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