a change in my heart

Sometimes, my heart feels so full that I feel like everything matters. I feel cheerful. I see signs everywhere. I am glad.
Oddly, this change was partially brought about by reading a book re-telling a story that has always angered me deeply.
I've always been outraged by the story of Jacob, Rachel and Leah. Always.
Which explains my curiosity to read the books by Liz Curtis Higgs. Perhaps out of a desire to understand how such a story is possible.
Bizarrely, it had inspired me and taught me so much. And I recognize myself. Not that my sister and I are fighting over the same man- or the other way around, for that matter. Just the characters are so believable. And human.
The story inspired my latest post, in a sense, as it's pretty much an edited copy of a prayer I typed out earlier on. (yes, I type some of my prayers, it helps me keep my thoughts clear, and then I can use spotlight to find prayers months later.)

Oddly, I had never really thought about the parallels between Jacob's deception of his father and Leah's deception of Jacob (although I remain convinced the poor girl thought she was truely married to the man, or simply had no choice or say in the matter). I guess I was so busy fuming about how a man could only realize the difference between a woman and her sister in the morning, to think about it really. The book blames it (partly) on whiskey and the fact that in the dark, they ARE sisters, so they do have similarities. I guess that's what I'd figured, except I had always pictured wine, not whiskey, a tent and not a room.

Reading these books is interesting. Not like reading just any fiction novel (it IS fiction BTW). Because I know the outcome, just not how the characters get to that. I've just begun Fair is the Rose and I know Rose (Rachel) must get pregnant by the end, but I'm dreading that moment with all of my heart, and I just can't see how it's possible. I'm really rooting for Leana. (Leah). I feel like I am her in a sense. The older, more sensible, more plain sister. I know what it's like to love and not be loved in return, the pain. And honestly, I think, that in her position, (I'm going to get burned at the stake for this) I would have probably done exactly as she did.

What touches me is that God's grace and mercy and willingness to simply love, despite all the mistakes, stupid things the characters have done, and bless them, and never leave them, is overwhelming. What amazes me even more is that I've noticed the same in my own life. He is faithful to his promise, and blesses us even when we definately don't deserve it. He has blessed me, he simply loves me despite all the stupid things I've done. I can't resist quoting that song by Pillar. I love it so much.
I'll end here because if my posts are too long, the sad truth is that nobody reads them.