Prodigal son series n°2

Read the Introduction to the series.

Or read the first episode "I don't want to talk about that"

Sometimes, I miss my wayward days

My father knows this, and he promised he wouldn't let me leave, in a moment of folly. He might let me go for a night, if I didn't listen to him, but the next morning, he'd be there on his horse, with one for me, to come home. But if I left again, I'd break his heart. He will always love me, you know.
And if I go back to all that, I can expect discipline. He didn't discipline me when I came home the first time, because I was honestly repentant, and he organized a feast for me, his primary concern being to make me feel welcomed and loved. But if I choose to leave again, it's somehow worse, because I know the consequences and choose to leave anyway, so discipline is necessary.
I am at peace right now, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by guilt, or temptatioin to go back to all that.

When I came back, I ran into my father's arms, and I told him "I hope it isn't too late to say I love you". I just wanted to be a servant in his home- I could hardly expect more. Yet he took me in.

How can I avoid going back to all that?
By not dwelling on it: horses tend to avoid obstacles, but I figure that if one day we can drive without horses, lots of people will run into them because they'll be looking at the obstacles and not the road.
I just need to remember how low I sink, all the pain and guilt the next day.
And especially remember how leaving again would break my father's heart. He would forgive me again, but is that justification enough for hurting someone you love?
I guess thinking about the discipline and guilt does help somewhat, but that isn't the primary reason not to go back to all that, so if I begin to think it is, the day I can leave without anyone finding out, I'd do it. Sin doesn't have to be spectacular!

Most importantly, my father gives me the strength not to go back to all that. I am weak in that sense. Without him, I couldn't last a week.

christian
prodigal son
short stories