Deep dark secrets

In the first episode of the first season of Desperate Housewives, Mary-Alice kills herself. Why? She received a note, along the lines of "I know what you did. You disgust me. I'm going to tell".

It could very well have been a bluff.
I'm sure that if any of us received such a note, we'd all get chills up our spines. Some of us would change towns. Some of us would even leave the country. Others would try to kill whoever discovered their secret, and others would kill themselves.
Some of us would fess up and beg for mercy.
Some of us would have a nervous breakdown.

Others just wouldn't care. Perhaps some people wouldn't even be worried- they have no deep dark secrets. Although I would tend to doubt that.
We all have deep dark secrets, I wonder.... perhaps we even sort of need one to function. When I was a kid I had imaginary deep dark secrets. Or I would pretend that charaters in movies were me, and their secrets were mine.

Who am I?

Do people change?
Or do they stay essentially the same?

Is everything you say or do or think a reflection of your personality? Or can there be "freak" moments, where you're not really yourself?

Can you truely change? Or just reveal your true personality?

Old vs. new

Old friends, new friends...

I've made friends so fast I can hardly even believe it. And not just people to hang out with once or twice. FRIENDS. People I can confide in, people I'll go out of my way to see.
People I can talk to about my passion for Japan, or just hang out with, or talk about computers.
And then I have new friends I don't see that often.
And "old" friends I'm still in touch with (and am glad to be - they are people I can hardly imagine my life without)
And yet I still have my old friends, my true and tried relationships, the people I long to see. I can forget temporarily. But I miss them so much deep down. I still see them sometimes. I can hardly imagine my life without them. To be honest, I can name them: Oli and Joe.

This morning my brother and sister were watching the Swan Princess. Reminded me of when I was a kid and me and my best friend Cyril would watch that movie every single day after school.
He liked the sword fights, I liked the romance.

I miss Susanna. I miss Becky. I miss Cyril. Chelsea. Isaac. Peter. People from my past who I was very close to. Childhood friends. But it's not really painful. Just a fleeting thought here and there.

And then there are people I *should* miss -- but I don't really. I'm not even sure I really want to see them. Friends I'd be embarrassed to see again because I let them down. (sorry Kara)
Other people who I missed so hard, and so long, that the pain just ate me alive and I had to forget them. Now I've almost forgotten them.

Devos :)

you can read my morning's reading here. I know it's out of context (and I'll actually do some research on that later, now that I have a study Bible, it's easier to do).

Micah 7:7-9 (New International Version)

7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD,
I wait for God my Savior;
my God will hear me.

Israel Will Rise

8 Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the LORD will be my light.
9 Because I have sinned against him,
I will bear the LORD's wrath,
until he pleads my case
and establishes my right.
He will bring me out into the light;
I will see his righteousness.

It also goes pretty well with a sermon by Tom Hovestol I've been listening to, how to come clean when I'm dirty.

Some other songs that I found to be related to this passage are "Renew me" by Avalon and to a degree "Dreams I dream for you" (more of a stretch, you might need to be ME to see the association)

Install party d-2

I'm starting to get excited/stressed.
Excited because I'm going to learn a lot.
Stressed because I have a test this week and I don't feel ready. Stressed because the exams are coming up.
Stressed because of my responsibilities. Stressed because I don't know what I want exactly.
But happy.

I'm also tiered. Exhausted. I just had a great week-end. But just thinking of all that is left to be done exhausts me. And yet Daniel would tell me I do nothing of my time, compared to all the work he does. So I guess I can't really complain. I just need to readjust my rhythm.

up close and personal

I have a hard time being that in my writing anymore, especially on a blog. Not that online journals actually interest anybody, as a general rule.
I remember a time when people would spend money to buy books of people's journals. Now there are so many free, online, that it's just plain not that entertaining anymore.
Except the very well written. Without wanting to sound conceited, at some point, on my previous blog, I think I somewhat managed that.

But I'm just not as artistic as I used to be. I need to watch movies, or TV shows, to get my philosophical juices running enough to make me write. So now and then I'll be posting thoughts on a movie I saw.

I'm not sure what actually interests my readers. Someone actually found my blog while searching "hell figured out exothermic" on google. Weird. When I saw the post, I got it. But who searches for that kind of thing anyway?

Some people found me in V600i themes. Must have been dissapointed because I didn't put a downloadable version online. I can, though, all you need to do is ask. Seriously, I think I'll put them up anyway.

I really like the intro song to Grey's Anatomy, as well as the video that goes with it. There's something I like about eyelash curlers, zipping up a dress, the cocktail, the shoes, all tied in to medical images. I just like it. Find it very catchy. Posted the video as well (normally).

Linux on iBook tutorial

Here is a link to my installing ubuntu on iBook tutorial.
It's in french, and not 100% complete yet (I still havn't put up the sections on the Airport wifi card, or on bluetooth and other hardware issues).
But as I said I'd put one up, I suppose I had to do it ;)
This is the very first tutorial I write myself.
It involves a lot of research, to make sure I don't forget to explain some minor steps that are nevertheless important, it involves research to find reference pages online, link them, and make sure to refer to the exact places that might interest the people who want to dig deeper, either out of curiosity/desire to learn, or just because they feel they need more explanations before doing what I say.
I also added links to learn yourself and go deeper which aren't necessary to the tutorial in and of themselves.

Formatting is also very important to make a good tutorial. I think I spent more time on that than on actually writing it.

I hope you will enjoy it, if that sort of thing interests you (I admit, people interested in installing ubuntu on an iBook aren't that common, especially since iBooks aren't sold anymore. On a macbook, it's much easier to do, I think. And if you have Mac OS X, there really is no need to get a better OS. I really like Mac OS as my everyday OS. I only put linux on my computer to play around and for the learning experience. On a PC, it's more useful because Windows is really hard to work with, in my opinion).